S.Santos

As I sit here at this table I have so many thoughs running through my mind. Wondering why I’m still here, wondering why I stayed, when you don’t even care for me anymore. You said you’d ALWAYS LOVE me, you said you’d ALWAYS CARE. Now I know that she means the world to you and I never meant anything. Now I know where I stand, I’m just your backup, your sideline, just someone to take her place or to hang out with, when she’s not around. Your love for me was never true. I was just your temporary girl. Just someone to keep you occupied until she came back to you. So why should I stay? What am I really here for?

You say it hurts you and it makes you jealous when you see me talking to other people, but what about me. What about the way I feel? What about the pain that runs through me? My heart breaks everytime your on the phone. Hearing the way you talk to her, wishing it was me on the other end, wishing I was the one you love, wishing it was me in those videos, wanting so badly to be her, needing to be the one for you.

Now I’m sitting here crying and you don’t even care. I could cut my wrist, stab myself in the heart, bleed out and die in front of you and you would never notice. I finally realized what I was to you, your fill in, your standby. Now I’m just a lost lonely soul, searching to someone to truly love me. All I have to say now is…… GOOD BYE!!

I have this really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, my heart is racing, and my brain is going 1,000 miles per hour. I don’t know what to do. They say they love you, but then they do things that hurt you. I guess I’ll never know the truth about anything. Why is is that when you tell someone you trust them, they tend to take it for granted? I guess I’ll have to figure that one out myself.

I’ve been really contemplating lately if going to school is what I really want. I’m scared to go but I don’t want to regret if I don’t. Decisions, decisions, decisions. Can anyone help me figure out what to do.